and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
