mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
