the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Randomize
