My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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