We're like a lot better than the average bears
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
