i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
