i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
