Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
