I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
