every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
