i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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