i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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