you traded sex for a burrito?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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