Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
