Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
