dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
