Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
