thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
