hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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