We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
