We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
