okay pat passed out under dana's car
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
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