I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
the liver wants what the liver wants
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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