I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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