I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
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