we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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