cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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