saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Randomize
