sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I want to fling myself into the sun
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
