did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
