I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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