that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
