Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
