The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
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