can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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