do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
