i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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