Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
