I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Randomize
