i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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