I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
