Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Randomize
