Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
