now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
