people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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