smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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