oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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