Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She needs sedatives and a leash
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
