I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
