Duck Duck Cougar?
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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