Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
