I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
The power of my boobs compel you
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
