I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
