I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
