naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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