i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
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