Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
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