My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
